Forget the spectre of “your papers please.” Allowing businesses to require vaccine passports is a good thing for Christians because it will help separate the sheep from the goats.

If sports arenas require vaccine passports, why should Christians care? Sports franchises are run by a bunch of godless sellouts and pinko commies. Why would we want to get inside? The vaccine passport is like a brain mask that will keep Christians from wasting their time with idolotrous and useless games.

If theaters require vaccine passports, Christians should rejoice. The vaccine passport is like a mental chastity belt. This will protect our minds from Hollywood filth so we can concentrate on heavenly things.

If big box stores require vaccine passports, Christians will be prevented from sending money to communist Chinese manufacturers. Great!

If a Christian refuses to capitualate to the demands of the wicked, the wicked will separate the Christian out, and prove the glory of the Christian faith against their godless ways. The more determined we are to not give in to the ways of the wicked, the more opportunities Christians will have to spend their time with other Christians, away from the incessant noise and clatter of God-haters.

Even with something as ridiculous, unthinkably un-American as vaccine passports we can see the silver lining in every cloud. If the godless communists among us don’t want us frequenting their services, we can go the extra mile and never give them a penny. Instead Christians can build a Christian economy and require Holy Ghost passports for customers to keep the communists and traitors out of our camp.